What’s it to be?…manna, mayhem or musing

What’s it to be?…manna, mayhem or musing

I have walked a marathon this week, walking within my thoughts, out on the street, around my computer, all the while seeking to compose a piece to fill this space. Each day has seen thoughts milling and bubbling below the surface. Words would appear on the screen, but nothing of consequence. Yesterday I downed tools, both within and without and went walkabout to allow ‘thought’ to percolate unabated.

The drought persisted. I was unable to grasp hold of that inner wheel and achieve sufficient speed to regurgitate my impressions of where I am at this moment in current time.

Last night I gave up on personal introspection. I gave in to self indulgent pursuits selected a film off the shelf, blotted out the rest of humanity, planetary discomforts and the need to plan the next move forward. In plain speak you could say I acknowledged the need to unwind.

Sometimes life deals a deck impossible to read. Like life the essence of the senses, that deeper consciousness does not reveal it self often to/within the portals of surface thoughts of a mortal’s mind.

That takes patience, a delicate touch…an evenings entertainment, and a good night’s rest. Hence, back at the desk, I have switched on the computer, and  undone the latch of the ‘drop down’ window leading to creative thought…Shall we begin?

Reflecting back over the week, I wondered at times if this feeling of sadness was mine, and in part the answer is ‘yes’. Yes, because when one experiences deep sadness, there is also the act of unknowingly becoming aware of outer elements brushing against your skin, penetrating your thoughts. You are equally susceptible to the plight and pleas of others as it is within yourself.

I think that I am aware of the internal factors that upset my current state of equilibrium, but more importantly am aware of an overwhelming despair nudging away close by, communicating its urgency. This is a metaphoric impression experienced in the surrounding ambience when walking among people.

Despite the determination, the quickening strides of people out in the city,  it is only a thin veil that supports stability. They pursue and strive to retain this thin membrane of security to support and sustain their journey through life.

When walking among the people, one is repeatedly reminded how tenuous life can be, how short the fall, the ever constant reminders…increasing numbers of street people appearing amongst us, the quickening of our steps as we move aside and dodge their pleas.

Sitting alone with a cup of coffee beside me on the table, a newspaper open in front of me, I attempt to block out the meanderings of my thoughts…I muse on developments, the patterns and outcomes over the past couple of decades.

I acknowledge that nothing happens right now, there is always a sequence running up to any thought action or event. I am reminded of my reaction back  when my children, attending Senior High School, were indoctrinated into the new educational system of no longer having a classroom or a desk to claim as their own place within that system.

This meant that as each lesson ended the children were all on the move, herded like animals, all their possessions packed into increasingly weightier bags, carried on young insubstantial shoulders, they jostled their way to the next venue.

This pattern of instability is/has overtaken the very structure of the ordinary masses.  It can be seen in all aspects of daily routines, in all spheres of society.

In the workplace, it is now predominantly open plan, workspace increasingly diminished, noise unabating and increasing in volume.

Travelling is uncomfortable with increasing overcrowding, inadequate facilities, seats being removed from all modes of transport, trains, trams and buses so that more people can be crowded into the available space..herded into an unbearable compressed mass, amid a cacophony of noise and the unbearable heat of massed form.

Air travel beleaguered with continual introductions of new requirements designed to lengthen the process of check-ins. Barriers erected to further herd us like cattle into line. Plentiful security personnel controlling our entry and exits through the penning process. Endless queues of people at the gates, sorting out possessions into a myriad of little plastic trays before being allowed to walk through the scanners. There further check processes await, usually targeting unlikely candidates for terrorist armies at large.

Destabilisation has been adopted by authorities and honed to a fine art. Are there any serious gains to be had from this process?

It would appear that the only people inconvenienced, hassled and diminished are the ordinary people who seek to go about the daily activity of sustaining their current lifestyle.

The obsession of herding the masses with daily introductions of new laws,  indignities, increased taxes to support and finance the whims of governments and service industries has resulted in a serious depletion of quality in the lives of the masses. Neither has it, in itself, contributed to a decrease in the numbers of terrorist attacks, incidents of which remain as always, at best infrequent.

Reflection leads me to the conclusion that the real reasons lay closer to severe losses in the human rights of individual’s and members of the mass, i.e. control and limitation of movement, perversely using reverse techniques to herd people out, into mass situations, rushing about madly, creating unnecessary fear and internal hysteria.

Even our means of communicating one with another is destabilised. How often do you see people sitting opposite one another, but each engaged with that little machine…the mobile? Firmly clutched in their hands, head’s down, each frantically pumping the keys, messaging and intermittently gazing intently at the miniscule screen.

Could it be that humanity is reacting to induced fear and resultant hysteria, avoiding one-on-one contact, being present in the moment, real communication -looking into the eyes of your companion/s, present and participating in human contact…what’s happening to humanity?

BUT…what has all this got to do with sadness? I know that deep down I am still that same optimist who can readily trot out the plusses and positives that fill the tall tower I inhabit. Certainly, the housing that propels me outwards and forwards can become tiresomely heavy as I manoeuvre myself along the pathway of life each day.

I do not feel that the sadness which beseeches and leeches into the cornices of my being is all mine, but I cannot exclude it from entry either. Am I perhaps sensitive to the huge sensation of emptiness and overriding panic that is building outside among the masses?

It is said that major change in society is always initiated by the mass, but then conversely it is equally touted that we are usually ruled from above, and at this level in life, refers to each nation’s leader/s.

However, right now one has to question the wisdom of those occupying these rarefied positions. Neither those in government or other such environments appear to see forward, to flow with change, or have the ability to plan progressively and move on.

All is the same old, same old…

Hmmm…yes, I think perhaps I do understand that intense sadness I am imbued with after all.