Paedophilia – Pt 1 of 2

Some months ago a paedophile,domiciled in Australia was discharged from prison having served his full term and located in one of the State’s there. Unfortunately local inhabitants became aware of his presence, a massive protest ensued and the relevant government had to rehouse him elsewhere. This pattern was repeated numerous times before he was moved interstate where the same pattern is being repeated.

He is now at some unknown location after a particularly public and sustained outcry from local inhabitants in the area. No amount of reassurances by the relevant government body will satisfy the adults that their children are quite safe. They emphasise that he is monitored on a daily basis and the system of reportage is particularly stringent leaving no opportunity for reoffending.

I watch these cases with great interest being a victim of paedophilia myself in my childhood, teens and young adult years. Invariably these cases are the isolated cases, though I am aware that the internet has enabled the establishment of a worldwide system of syndicates, infinitely more effective than anything that could have existed previous to this era.

However, both, solo operator and syndicated arrangements, are still in the minority when one considers that the real problem is and has always flourished within the heart of humanity, i.e. involving the family unit, and/or close friends of adults members…and is never acknowledged, except in extremely isolated instances.

Across the years I drew attention at every opportunity if I observed such a person and noted/or was the recipient of their anti social behaviour patterns, but not once was the complaint ever properly recorded, and/or dealt with.

My first brush with such a person was pre-teens. My memory remains crystal clear on this issue. It has never faded. I know that I was cornered and forced to listen to a number of strange dialogues and assured we were going to have fun. I did not fully understand what was being said to me, but I remember getting progressively more uncomfortable with the situation and content of what was being said.

I grew up in the pre-sex education era, my primary and high school education being at a local convent. Hence, I was particularly backward in this area of knowledge and what I thought I knew was particularly sketchy and mostly incorrect.

However, one has a sense of when something is wrong. I know I was alarmed and frightened.

After some careful thinking, I approached my mother when she was preparing lunch one day and told her what had been said to me. I was standing side on to her as she stood at the table in the kitchen preparing vegetables for a soup. She continued to keep her head higher than mine, never looked at me, just stared ahead, looking out of the window. A long silence ensued before she said “leave it with me, I’ll talk to him”.

Those were the only words ever spoken on the subject. The opportunity was never afforded me to ask or speak on this subject ever again. I knew it was closed.

The subject may have been closed, but pursuit did not cease and I had to deal with being cornered, touched up, or on occasion, waking at night to find him in my bedroom, hands underneath the bedclothes in my bed. The ploys were endless and relentless. Occasionally I would find pornographic photographs set out on my bed, other times there would be hand written lewd literature, telling stories of what joys and money little girls might benefit from.

If my mother was out I was terrified to return home alone and, as I got older, would remain out until after her return. I continually suffered from, what I referred to at that time as,  ‘a hot tummy’, later renamed ‘my nervous stomach’ ….and today, after a recent protracted illness, I have learned its proper title. The health problem, experienced as a young girl, throughout my teenage years and into my twenties is referred to as erosion of the stomach lining, stress being a major contributory cause.

I realised I was on my own with this problem at a young age. It never went away and tensions always ran high when I was at home, or perhaps I should qualify that. That’s how it felt to me.

There were a number of false starts, such as assurances from the offending family member ‘that I was quite safe’..but that never proved to be the case.

One of my early moves was to quietly remove all the internal door keys in the house. Being an old house the keys were difficult to replace. I used one to lock my bedroom door immediately I entered my own room, keeping it with me at all times, and left the bathroom key in place. I made sure those other spare keys were never found, and their disappearance was never mentioned to me.

We were a family business which involved daily interaction with the public, but despite requests by my mother that I acknowledge and talk normally to the person in question when in the business area, I consistently refused.  and never instituted conversation with that person, though I always replied politely if spoken to. When required to give a hand during busy periods, I never worked in the same area as the offender, voluntarily spoke or relaxed my guard.

Another skill that proved useful and at which I became and am a master in, is the use of windows, glass paned doors and reflective surfaces to keep an eye on anyone following or somewhere in my vicinity but not within direct view. This tip was passed on quite casually by an aunt when in my mid to late teens…”there are lots of glass doors and windows in your place, use them”. I did, do, and have done so ever since.

I realise that my aunt must have sensed or known of the dynamics in my home, but the subject was never broached or opened up for me to speak. And I never did, ever, to anyone until shortly before I got married when I mentioned it to my shortly ‘to be’ husband and never again until my late 40’s

Today, I would have left home at an earlier age, but at the time it wasn’t an option. One only left home and remained in the same town for one reason – you got married. As I matured, there were occasions when I determined to rent a room locally but the rents were invariably above my means and friends would talk me out of the move, citing the reasons mentioned above. I never did or have discussed this issue with them.

My aim, to throw light on where this ‘canker’ nests and thrives, in epidemic, and pandemic proportions…at home.

However, the story does not end here…

Part 2- next week]:

I shall discuss the long term effects that scar victims and remain imbedded in their psyche.

Its effects on my own approach, attitude and experiences.

The role that families and the public play in the ongoing perpetration of this practice, which when expressed in its true context is quite simply an ‘act of violence‘.

Look at some cases that have emerged recently, such as the high profile Roman Polanski case; the Austrian family; and abduction of Madeleine in Portugal.. and examine some of the individual and collective philosophical issues that bubble away beneath the surface.

I.E. – air some of the moral and ethical dilemmas involved. These cases have certainly opened a small window in the media. This in turn allows us to view and reflect.